That feeling you get when you see that there are two lines--instead of just one.
For so many months, you hoped for two lines, and it never happened. You would wait the agonizingly long 5 minutes for the results, take a deep breath, and look--to see a single line-yet again.
But then...
you take the test that is different. You look down and do a quadruple take to make sure that the double line is actually there. And it is.
That feeling.
That is the same feeling that you get when you receive 'the call'. Your social worker calls you to let you know that your profile is being shown...or that a birthmother has chosen you. It is the same feeling.
I am going to be a mother...
What a feeling--Excitement. Anxiety. Worry. Hope. Joy. Praise.
All of these emotions at once. It is truly amazing. And instantly-you are 100% invested. A baby is coming, and you are finally going to fulfill one of your most heartfelt dreams.
As much as you try not to get too emotionally invested, it really is impossible. You try not to plan, yet you have to plan. You try not to buy baby clothes, but you buy a few things just in case it really happens. You put off vacation plans, because you might have a newborn by then. You turn down invitations because she could go into labor early. As much as you try not to let it consume your every thought--it does.
You may or may not text the birthmother, but you think about her constantly. What is she feeling? What is she thinking? Is she worried about you being a good mother? Does she ever second guess her decision?
You are invested. That baby is in your heart. And nothing can change that.
As the date approaches, you busy yourself with your checklist. So much to do. Trying to do enough in case it goes through, and not too much in case it doesn't. What is she doing? Is she preparing herself to give up her most precious gift? Can I handle this amazing responsibility?
Finding out that you are going to be a mother is the same...regardless of how it is going to happen.
The unfortunate flip side of that, is that it is just as heartbreaking if it falls through. And inevitably, it sometimes does. You know in your head that God is ultimately in control, but you can't always convince your heart of this--because it is aching. All of the hope, anticipation, and excitement is gone. You are not going to be a mother yet.
Will I ever be a mother? Doubt sets in.
You take the clothes back. You try to jump back into your life as it was before you got 'the call'. But it is hard. Because you are essentially mourning the idea of motherhood. You are having to let go of the child that has already become yours.
What will the baby's life be like now? And her mothers? Will the millions of prayers sent their way ever be known or felt?
I don't know if I can go through this again.
Pain is sometimes a part of the plan. I write this not to discourage anyone from adopting. You all know that I am a huge advocate. But only to let you know that it comes with ups and downs, as does anything worthwhile. I have re-lived this rollercoaster recently with a friend. And it reminds me of the disappointments from our journey. It is sometimes hard, but know that in the end, it is absolutely worth it.
Please do not be discouraged. Try, try again!
" Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."--Proverbs 19:21
As always, I welcome emails from everyone! If you are a hopeful birthmother or adoptive parent trying to find your own way down this crazy, yet absolutely amazing path...I'd love to hear from you too!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
We Are All Guilty...of Things Unplanned
So...I figured that everyone was tired of hearing my thoughts all of the time. Therefore... I asked Jenny, who works at an Unplanned Pregnancy Center, to write a post about whatever she felt led to say. And here it is...
First of all, I was not adopted. I was raised by my biological parents. Secondly, I have not personally adopted a child. However, I have experienced adoption within my family. My younger brother was adopted by my parents when he was a baby, and his baby brother was adopted by my aunt and uncle at the same time.
I have also been blessed to learn a tiny bit about adoption through my work. I'm no expert, that's for sure! However, God has blessed me by placing me in a position that now, looking back, I can see that He had orchestrated all along. Isn't it funny how crazy things that happen in our lives actually start to make sense in the long run?
I work at an unplanned pregnancy center. I feel like I was placed here by “accident”, because I had no experience, and this was my first "big girl" job. I graduated in May 2008, and started here in November 2008. I'm so honored that He chose me to minister to women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy!
Our center is pro-life, and pro-adoption. By this, I mean that we offer adoption as a positive option and refer potential birth moms to wonderful adoption agencies that can address their needs and walk them through the adoption process. I DO NOT mean that we pressure folks into choosing adoption. Adoption is a beautiful thing that many birthparents would be open to if they only knew that it was an option, and knew how to go about making an adoption plan for their baby. That is what we're here for...to point them in the right direction if they want to know more about the process.
Over the past five years that I have served in my position, I have been blessed to minister to birth moms. I have heard their concerns about the idea of "giving up their baby". I have heard their concerns that "people will think that I didn't love my child." I have also heard the pain in their voice when they are torn between being able to provide for their child, being seen as a bad person for giving their child up, and being able to act out the love that they have for their child by making a decision to better their child's life.
Making an adoption plan ain't easy, folks. It should never be looked at as a decision that was made because the mom couldn't or wouldn't care for the child, or because she didn't love her child. I like to think that adoption is a part of God's plan, seeing how HE adopted US as his own. Moses was adopted...and Jesus was adopted...think about that.
By definition, adoption means "to take up and make ones own." A synonym for adoption is "acceptance", or to "embrace". So, basically, these birthmoms are making a choice to place their child in a loving home that will accept their baby, love their baby, and embrace their baby.
That is about as far from literally"giving up your baby" as you can get.
Adoption is an act of love. Now, I'm not naïve...I realize that there are people in this world whose hearts are hardened so hard that the amount of emotion in the decision to make an adoption plan is pretty much nonexistent. But, this is not the case in most circumstances. Even in those circumstances where the birth mom seems to be making the decision to make an adoption plan with no evidence of emotions, they're there. I think this is something that we tend to forget.
From my experience working in a pregnancy center, it seems that adoption, from the viewpoint of the birth mom, has a lot of negative judgments attached to it. It usually stems from people close to them who haven't really been close to someone who has been involved in adoption before (which is probably not many of you readers). Or the circumstance is most often that a person knows someone who adopted a family member's child and there was bad blood between the birth mom and adoptive parents...perhaps there were drug issues, etc. Because of this, many women who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy situation have those negative ideas about making an adoption plan for their own baby, afraid that they will be judged even more than they already have been for their unplanned pregnancy.
God does not love one person more than another, regardless of their situation and choices in life. He did not die on the cross for some of us...He died for us all. We are all His children, regardless of what choices we make, and the results of those choices. Adoption is the act of His love. HE accepted US. HE embraced US. No matter what the birth mom's circumstances and reasons for making an adoption plan...as an adoptive parent, you are representing Jesus to her, and loving a piece of her by loving that child.
As an adoptive parent or someone who sees the adoption process play out regularly, we may know that. But others do not. The purpose of my post is this...to help people remember that there are people on both sides of the adoption planning process, and to encourage you to remind others of that as well. Despite what many people think, normally, the actions of both the birthparents and adoptive family are lead by love.
Remind others...let's make sure our actions are lead by love as well. Don't judge. Don't project a stereotype. Don't generalize. While that baby or child is being adopted and embraced, realize that the birth mom is as well...by the Lord.
Wow. I love this. I have expressed deeply my admiration for birthmothers before, but had never completely thought out what it really took them to get to the point of handing over their baby. Crazy, right? I should have gone over that in my mind a million times, since I am the recipient of two of those precious bundles. But here is some of what I experienced...
Both of my childrens' birthmothers' had other children. They each handled their pregnancy differently. One told her children that she was having a baby and was giving it to a couple who wanted children. The other didn't even tell the other children that she was pregnant...but that she was at the hospital to fix her belly.
I knew this, and simply accepted it. But here is what I neglected to reflect on...
These women lived 9 months in this society with constant judgement. I have been pregnant, and I know that a pregnant woman is "free game". What I mean by that is that people constantly ask you questions and invade your space when you are with child. They ask what the sex is, what the name will be, if you have other children, etc. I even had one woman talk to me about her psychic abilities after telling me the correct sex of my child(true story). But I digress...As annoying as that was for me, I can't imagine what it feels like for a woman who is placing her baby in the arms of another woman.
I also know that the society that we live in is, in fact, exponentially judgemental. I never placed myself physically in a birthmothers shoes until Jenny painted this picture so vividly. Why do we as a society feel such need to judge others? These women are doing an amazing thing, and most don't even realize it because of the shame that they feel. Haven't we all made decisions that were not ideal? Haven't we all had an "unplanned" situation in our lives?
In case you're wondering...the answer would be yes.
"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'"--John 8:3-11
I want to say thank you to Amy for
allowing me to write a little post on the topic of adoption. Adoption
has been dear to my heart since I was a child, and luckily I have been
able to learn and experience more and more about the process over the
years. I want to begin my post by saying a couple of things.
First of all, I was not adopted. I was raised by my biological parents. Secondly, I have not personally adopted a child. However, I have experienced adoption within my family. My younger brother was adopted by my parents when he was a baby, and his baby brother was adopted by my aunt and uncle at the same time.
I have also been blessed to learn a tiny bit about adoption through my work. I'm no expert, that's for sure! However, God has blessed me by placing me in a position that now, looking back, I can see that He had orchestrated all along. Isn't it funny how crazy things that happen in our lives actually start to make sense in the long run?
I work at an unplanned pregnancy center. I feel like I was placed here by “accident”, because I had no experience, and this was my first "big girl" job. I graduated in May 2008, and started here in November 2008. I'm so honored that He chose me to minister to women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy!
Our center is pro-life, and pro-adoption. By this, I mean that we offer adoption as a positive option and refer potential birth moms to wonderful adoption agencies that can address their needs and walk them through the adoption process. I DO NOT mean that we pressure folks into choosing adoption. Adoption is a beautiful thing that many birthparents would be open to if they only knew that it was an option, and knew how to go about making an adoption plan for their baby. That is what we're here for...to point them in the right direction if they want to know more about the process.
Over the past five years that I have served in my position, I have been blessed to minister to birth moms. I have heard their concerns about the idea of "giving up their baby". I have heard their concerns that "people will think that I didn't love my child." I have also heard the pain in their voice when they are torn between being able to provide for their child, being seen as a bad person for giving their child up, and being able to act out the love that they have for their child by making a decision to better their child's life.
Making an adoption plan ain't easy, folks. It should never be looked at as a decision that was made because the mom couldn't or wouldn't care for the child, or because she didn't love her child. I like to think that adoption is a part of God's plan, seeing how HE adopted US as his own. Moses was adopted...and Jesus was adopted...think about that.
By definition, adoption means "to take up and make ones own." A synonym for adoption is "acceptance", or to "embrace". So, basically, these birthmoms are making a choice to place their child in a loving home that will accept their baby, love their baby, and embrace their baby.
That is about as far from literally"giving up your baby" as you can get.
Adoption is an act of love. Now, I'm not naïve...I realize that there are people in this world whose hearts are hardened so hard that the amount of emotion in the decision to make an adoption plan is pretty much nonexistent. But, this is not the case in most circumstances. Even in those circumstances where the birth mom seems to be making the decision to make an adoption plan with no evidence of emotions, they're there. I think this is something that we tend to forget.
From my experience working in a pregnancy center, it seems that adoption, from the viewpoint of the birth mom, has a lot of negative judgments attached to it. It usually stems from people close to them who haven't really been close to someone who has been involved in adoption before (which is probably not many of you readers). Or the circumstance is most often that a person knows someone who adopted a family member's child and there was bad blood between the birth mom and adoptive parents...perhaps there were drug issues, etc. Because of this, many women who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy situation have those negative ideas about making an adoption plan for their own baby, afraid that they will be judged even more than they already have been for their unplanned pregnancy.
God does not love one person more than another, regardless of their situation and choices in life. He did not die on the cross for some of us...He died for us all. We are all His children, regardless of what choices we make, and the results of those choices. Adoption is the act of His love. HE accepted US. HE embraced US. No matter what the birth mom's circumstances and reasons for making an adoption plan...as an adoptive parent, you are representing Jesus to her, and loving a piece of her by loving that child.
As an adoptive parent or someone who sees the adoption process play out regularly, we may know that. But others do not. The purpose of my post is this...to help people remember that there are people on both sides of the adoption planning process, and to encourage you to remind others of that as well. Despite what many people think, normally, the actions of both the birthparents and adoptive family are lead by love.
Remind others...let's make sure our actions are lead by love as well. Don't judge. Don't project a stereotype. Don't generalize. While that baby or child is being adopted and embraced, realize that the birth mom is as well...by the Lord.
Wow. I love this. I have expressed deeply my admiration for birthmothers before, but had never completely thought out what it really took them to get to the point of handing over their baby. Crazy, right? I should have gone over that in my mind a million times, since I am the recipient of two of those precious bundles. But here is some of what I experienced...
Both of my childrens' birthmothers' had other children. They each handled their pregnancy differently. One told her children that she was having a baby and was giving it to a couple who wanted children. The other didn't even tell the other children that she was pregnant...but that she was at the hospital to fix her belly.
I knew this, and simply accepted it. But here is what I neglected to reflect on...
These women lived 9 months in this society with constant judgement. I have been pregnant, and I know that a pregnant woman is "free game". What I mean by that is that people constantly ask you questions and invade your space when you are with child. They ask what the sex is, what the name will be, if you have other children, etc. I even had one woman talk to me about her psychic abilities after telling me the correct sex of my child(true story). But I digress...As annoying as that was for me, I can't imagine what it feels like for a woman who is placing her baby in the arms of another woman.
I also know that the society that we live in is, in fact, exponentially judgemental. I never placed myself physically in a birthmothers shoes until Jenny painted this picture so vividly. Why do we as a society feel such need to judge others? These women are doing an amazing thing, and most don't even realize it because of the shame that they feel. Haven't we all made decisions that were not ideal? Haven't we all had an "unplanned" situation in our lives?
In case you're wondering...the answer would be yes.
"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'"--John 8:3-11
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Love is Love is Love...Right?
I read something recently that struck a bit of a chord with me. I really strive to be open minded and compassionate in life, because we never know where someone else's shoes have been. But this quote represents many people's initial feelings, so I wanted to address it.
As I was scrolling through my facebook posts recently, I noticed a post from a friend which stated her frustration with infertility. I totally get that. I really do. Infertility is a big disgusting monster that can wreak havoc in many innocent lives. I know him well...
and I'm not a fan.
My friend posted at the end of her post, "Please no one say, 'Just adopt.' I can't handle those words right now."
You may not believe it, but I get that too. It is absolutely every woman's dream to carry a child in her womb. It is our God given maternal instinct. If we didn't have that desire, we would probably cease to exist! So when that cannot be achieved, and many different rocks have been turned over trying to get there, it is frustrating. It hurts. Like physically. Your heart literally aches. You just want to go hide somewhere far away from everyone and cry. It is a grieving process. And once every rock has been overturned, and you see no way of having biological children, you have to essentially mourn the idea of them. If you have not experienced this, then you probably think that I am cray cray. But I promise you that it is true.
In order to move to a place where you can adopt a child, this mourning has to occur. And then, if God chooses you for adoption, He will prepare you.
But let me assure you of one thing. It is so absolutely positively worth it.
Now...this is one of the comments that my friend got in response to her comment.
"Adoption just isn't the same and I understand that. I don't see why other people always say that."
Ouch.
Now I understand that this person was trying to be sympathetic. And honestly, for all that I know, they have experienced adoption and it wasn't all roses. But it felt like a dagger to my heart.
Adoption has been such a blessing in mine and Nick's life, that I want to tell the everyone in the world to adopt...there are so many children out there that simply need a home that can love and support them.
However, I do know that some people cannot understand the concept of loving a child that did not come from their womb. And if adoption is not for you, don't do it! But if you feel led...go for it.
My children are my world. They changed my world. All three of them. I do not love one more than the other two. It is the same love. Nick and I often discuss where we would be without each of them, and it is a painful thought.
I don't know how to explain the love that I have for each one of them. There simply are no words.
But here is something to ponder...do you love anyone that is not biologically connected to you? A spouse, a friend, someone else's child??? Would you call that person family even though they are not "blood"? Do you see where I am going with this?
It is totally possible and probable to love someone that does not have your DNA.
My children are my children. Period.
When each of them was placed in my arms, they were instantly mine.
So if you feel led to look into the world of adoption, I strongly encourage you to do so. Please don't let the fear of not being able to love cause you to lose out on something as amazing as this.
I hope that you can see from my pictures, that at the first glance of each of my children, I felt the same tender maternal love.
They may have come to me in different ways, but they all came to me from the same Father.
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."--1 Samuel 1:27
OK...so this wasn't actually my first glance at Linebacker. The thing is...when I went back to get hospital pictures of each of the kids, no one had any of me with him. I'm sure that there are several factors that play into that-the Csection, he's the third child, etc.-but this is the first picture that anyone in my family has of the two of us together. So I guess that drives my point home a little bit further...
As I was scrolling through my facebook posts recently, I noticed a post from a friend which stated her frustration with infertility. I totally get that. I really do. Infertility is a big disgusting monster that can wreak havoc in many innocent lives. I know him well...
and I'm not a fan.
My friend posted at the end of her post, "Please no one say, 'Just adopt.' I can't handle those words right now."
You may not believe it, but I get that too. It is absolutely every woman's dream to carry a child in her womb. It is our God given maternal instinct. If we didn't have that desire, we would probably cease to exist! So when that cannot be achieved, and many different rocks have been turned over trying to get there, it is frustrating. It hurts. Like physically. Your heart literally aches. You just want to go hide somewhere far away from everyone and cry. It is a grieving process. And once every rock has been overturned, and you see no way of having biological children, you have to essentially mourn the idea of them. If you have not experienced this, then you probably think that I am cray cray. But I promise you that it is true.
In order to move to a place where you can adopt a child, this mourning has to occur. And then, if God chooses you for adoption, He will prepare you.
But let me assure you of one thing. It is so absolutely positively worth it.
Now...this is one of the comments that my friend got in response to her comment.
"Adoption just isn't the same and I understand that. I don't see why other people always say that."
Ouch.
Now I understand that this person was trying to be sympathetic. And honestly, for all that I know, they have experienced adoption and it wasn't all roses. But it felt like a dagger to my heart.
Adoption has been such a blessing in mine and Nick's life, that I want to tell the everyone in the world to adopt...there are so many children out there that simply need a home that can love and support them.
However, I do know that some people cannot understand the concept of loving a child that did not come from their womb. And if adoption is not for you, don't do it! But if you feel led...go for it.
My children are my world. They changed my world. All three of them. I do not love one more than the other two. It is the same love. Nick and I often discuss where we would be without each of them, and it is a painful thought.
I don't know how to explain the love that I have for each one of them. There simply are no words.
But here is something to ponder...do you love anyone that is not biologically connected to you? A spouse, a friend, someone else's child??? Would you call that person family even though they are not "blood"? Do you see where I am going with this?
It is totally possible and probable to love someone that does not have your DNA.
My children are my children. Period.
When each of them was placed in my arms, they were instantly mine.
So if you feel led to look into the world of adoption, I strongly encourage you to do so. Please don't let the fear of not being able to love cause you to lose out on something as amazing as this.
I hope that you can see from my pictures, that at the first glance of each of my children, I felt the same tender maternal love.
They may have come to me in different ways, but they all came to me from the same Father.
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him."--1 Samuel 1:27
OK...so this wasn't actually my first glance at Linebacker. The thing is...when I went back to get hospital pictures of each of the kids, no one had any of me with him. I'm sure that there are several factors that play into that-the Csection, he's the third child, etc.-but this is the first picture that anyone in my family has of the two of us together. So I guess that drives my point home a little bit further...
Monday, July 8, 2013
Exciting News!!!
So it seems that I may not be able to write posts as often this summer as I can during the school year, so please hang with me!
This summer has been quite hectic with all three kids home all day every day, so I don't have much time to think...much less write. But I will try to do better! If you have anything that you would like to hear my thoughts on, or any questions for me...send them my way and I will address them in a post. I love to hear your comments!
But I do have some big news!!! (And no, it is not another baby in any way, shape, or form :) )
About two years ago, I realized that there were not many children's books about adoption. There were not any that I could find discussing domestic adoption, and I really wanted to expose Sister to books about 'her story'.
Studies show that it is best to discuss adoption with your children right from the start so that they never see it as a big deal...it is just normal to them. So we would tell her a bedtime story about how her angel mommy had her and how we were waiting at the hospital--so excited because we wanted a little baby girl so badly.
But I digress...
I could not find a book that touched on adoption on a very elementary level in a way that was exciting to her-- a chubby faced two year old. She loved to read picture books, and I thought there would be no better way to explain adoption than through a book. I explored bookstores and found many "children's books" that looked as though they had been written and illustrated in the 1950's. B...O...R...I...N...G. On Amazon I found a few, but nothing that really grabbed me(that's not to say that they are not out there...I just didn't find them). So.......
I wrote and illustrated one.
I am no author, nor am I anywhere near an illustrator. But this was somewhere that I saw a need, and tried to fill it. It came completely from my heart. As I illustrated it, Sister looked at the pictures and told me what I had left out. She had no problem telling me what additions needed to be made, so it was somewhat of a joint effort. :)
I have submitted the book, and will be receiving my proof in the next few days. And it will be for sale soon!!! I am really excited about this, as I poured my heart and soul into it. My hope is that it introduces adopted children to the wonderful story of their life, but also brings exposure to biological children about their friends that have been adopted.
Coming Soon..."Hand Picked"
I will keep you updated on this little piece of my heart, but just wanted to let you know what I have been working on! And as much as I would love to take credit for it, the idea and talents to carry it out were given to me by God...to Him be the glory!
Jesus Tells The Parable of the Loaned Money
Matthew 25:14-30
"For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."--Matthew 25:29
This summer has been quite hectic with all three kids home all day every day, so I don't have much time to think...much less write. But I will try to do better! If you have anything that you would like to hear my thoughts on, or any questions for me...send them my way and I will address them in a post. I love to hear your comments!
But I do have some big news!!! (And no, it is not another baby in any way, shape, or form :) )
About two years ago, I realized that there were not many children's books about adoption. There were not any that I could find discussing domestic adoption, and I really wanted to expose Sister to books about 'her story'.
Studies show that it is best to discuss adoption with your children right from the start so that they never see it as a big deal...it is just normal to them. So we would tell her a bedtime story about how her angel mommy had her and how we were waiting at the hospital--so excited because we wanted a little baby girl so badly.
But I digress...
I could not find a book that touched on adoption on a very elementary level in a way that was exciting to her-- a chubby faced two year old. She loved to read picture books, and I thought there would be no better way to explain adoption than through a book. I explored bookstores and found many "children's books" that looked as though they had been written and illustrated in the 1950's. B...O...R...I...N...G. On Amazon I found a few, but nothing that really grabbed me(that's not to say that they are not out there...I just didn't find them). So.......
I wrote and illustrated one.
I am no author, nor am I anywhere near an illustrator. But this was somewhere that I saw a need, and tried to fill it. It came completely from my heart. As I illustrated it, Sister looked at the pictures and told me what I had left out. She had no problem telling me what additions needed to be made, so it was somewhat of a joint effort. :)
I have submitted the book, and will be receiving my proof in the next few days. And it will be for sale soon!!! I am really excited about this, as I poured my heart and soul into it. My hope is that it introduces adopted children to the wonderful story of their life, but also brings exposure to biological children about their friends that have been adopted.
Coming Soon..."Hand Picked"
I will keep you updated on this little piece of my heart, but just wanted to let you know what I have been working on! And as much as I would love to take credit for it, the idea and talents to carry it out were given to me by God...to Him be the glory!
Jesus Tells The Parable of the Loaned Money
Matthew 25:14-30
"For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."--Matthew 25:29
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Are You Ready For A Miracle?
I get a lot of comments when I am out and about with my crew. And let's face it, I would wonder how that happened too--if I saw myself shopping. I mean, three kids under 4...two that look like twins, but it is obvious that they aren't. One is thin and lanky, with beautiful dark skin and brown eyes, curly hair and the sweetest disposition. The other thick and stocky, with skin as white as snow, crystal blue eyes, white blond hair, and a defiant gleam in his eye.
What in the world is up with this woman??? Is she a nanny? Those can't possibly all be her children...she must get friendly with a lot of men--you know what I mean?
But out of all of the comments voiced to me, there is one that I get quite often that especially makes me cringe inside. And it probably is not what you think.
Once a person hears that we adopted our daughter, and in the process of adopting our son, found out that we were pregnant, this is what I get: "THAT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME!!!"
I cringe at this response because it "waters down" the miracle that happened in my life. The miracle that God performed.
And I don't really think that this adoption/pregnancy situation happens ALL of the time. What I presume is that this "coincidence" is so unbelievable, that if someone hears about it, it sticks in their mind forever.
So I decided to look up some 'tistics. And here you go...
"Although the majority of adoptive parents do not have a biological child subsequent to an adoption, virtually every new adoptive parent had heard about a person with this experience. It is unknown how many adoptive mothers become pregnant after adopting but probably well less than 10% have biological children after they adopt a child. In many cases, the pregnancy is unplanned because the mother presumed she was infertile." - Pregnancy After Adoption
The overall general statistic that I found is that between 3 and 10% of couples have biological children after adoption. That means that ninety something percent don't.
I may actually use this new information the next time that someone hits me with this least favorite comment of mine. But I digress...
Now that we know the statistics, and that it actually doesn't happen all of the time, let's get back to my point.
A miracle is defined as: 1.a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by nature or scientific laws and is considered to be divine. 2. A highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment.
In one of the DVD studies that we did, Louie Giglio discussed the fact that we, as a society, completely overuse the word and the idea of a miracle. And I agree with him. It is almost to the point that we do not even see them anymore. But in my life, this pregnancy was just that.
Nick and I had been married 10 years when I found out that I was pregnant. We had been off of birth control for 7-8 years. We had been actively trying to get pregnant for 4 or so years. That is at least 48 months of ovulation tests, temperature checks, and timed lovin'. I mean, doing all that we could to facilitate a meeting of the egg and sperm.
And it was all completely to no avail.
And then just out of the blue, 10 years after our marriage, when we are in the midst of paperwork and planning for our son, I find out that I am pregnant.
We were not trying to get pregnant. I have no idea when I ovulated, what my temperature was, or how that sperm found the egg-but it happened. Tell me that is not a miracle.
And then, God did more. I have a bicornuate uterus, and the greatest complication with that is preterm labor. I would essentially carry this baby in one half the size of a normal uterus, because mine is separated right down the middle with tissue/blood vessels/etc.
So we had absolutely no idea how this pregnancy would play out. But God had it. I took weekly shots starting at week 18 in hopes of relaxing my uterus to avoid early labor. Once we were in the "safe zone", around 37 weeks, I stopped taking them. I was completely fine with Linebacker coming right then. But he didn't. In fact, it looked like I was going to have to be induced. Two days before I was to be induced, which was 1 week PAST my due date, my water broke.
Did you get that? The greatest possible complication with my pregnancy was preterm labor, and I almost had to be induced a full week after my due date. My pregnancy was completely problem free, and I actually had to have a Csection because he was so healthy(LARGE)!!!!
A precious miracle.
I am not telling this story to say,"See how God blessed me?" Although he absolutely did.
Amen, and Amen.
Here is what I want to say. God did this in my life.
I am no one special.
I am not exceptional.
I am just one of God's children.
Just like you.
And He will bring miracles in your life as well. It may not be a child, or three:), but he does miracles for all of his children. So let's not water down the power of God. He does miracles every day. Let's try to keep our eyes open to these miracles, and thank Him for his awesome power.
"Then the Lord said, 'I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.' Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, 'After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?' Then the Lord said to Abraham, 'Why did Sarah laugh and say, Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord?"--Genesis 18:10-14
* Even Sarah didn't fully believe in miracles...until it happened to her*
What in the world is up with this woman??? Is she a nanny? Those can't possibly all be her children...she must get friendly with a lot of men--you know what I mean?
But out of all of the comments voiced to me, there is one that I get quite often that especially makes me cringe inside. And it probably is not what you think.
Once a person hears that we adopted our daughter, and in the process of adopting our son, found out that we were pregnant, this is what I get: "THAT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME!!!"
I cringe at this response because it "waters down" the miracle that happened in my life. The miracle that God performed.
And I don't really think that this adoption/pregnancy situation happens ALL of the time. What I presume is that this "coincidence" is so unbelievable, that if someone hears about it, it sticks in their mind forever.
So I decided to look up some 'tistics. And here you go...
"Although the majority of adoptive parents do not have a biological child subsequent to an adoption, virtually every new adoptive parent had heard about a person with this experience. It is unknown how many adoptive mothers become pregnant after adopting but probably well less than 10% have biological children after they adopt a child. In many cases, the pregnancy is unplanned because the mother presumed she was infertile." - Pregnancy After Adoption
The overall general statistic that I found is that between 3 and 10% of couples have biological children after adoption. That means that ninety something percent don't.
I may actually use this new information the next time that someone hits me with this least favorite comment of mine. But I digress...
Now that we know the statistics, and that it actually doesn't happen all of the time, let's get back to my point.
A miracle is defined as: 1.a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by nature or scientific laws and is considered to be divine. 2. A highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment.
In one of the DVD studies that we did, Louie Giglio discussed the fact that we, as a society, completely overuse the word and the idea of a miracle. And I agree with him. It is almost to the point that we do not even see them anymore. But in my life, this pregnancy was just that.
Nick and I had been married 10 years when I found out that I was pregnant. We had been off of birth control for 7-8 years. We had been actively trying to get pregnant for 4 or so years. That is at least 48 months of ovulation tests, temperature checks, and timed lovin'. I mean, doing all that we could to facilitate a meeting of the egg and sperm.
And it was all completely to no avail.
And then just out of the blue, 10 years after our marriage, when we are in the midst of paperwork and planning for our son, I find out that I am pregnant.
We were not trying to get pregnant. I have no idea when I ovulated, what my temperature was, or how that sperm found the egg-but it happened. Tell me that is not a miracle.
And then, God did more. I have a bicornuate uterus, and the greatest complication with that is preterm labor. I would essentially carry this baby in one half the size of a normal uterus, because mine is separated right down the middle with tissue/blood vessels/etc.
So we had absolutely no idea how this pregnancy would play out. But God had it. I took weekly shots starting at week 18 in hopes of relaxing my uterus to avoid early labor. Once we were in the "safe zone", around 37 weeks, I stopped taking them. I was completely fine with Linebacker coming right then. But he didn't. In fact, it looked like I was going to have to be induced. Two days before I was to be induced, which was 1 week PAST my due date, my water broke.
Did you get that? The greatest possible complication with my pregnancy was preterm labor, and I almost had to be induced a full week after my due date. My pregnancy was completely problem free, and I actually had to have a Csection because he was so healthy(LARGE)!!!!
A precious miracle.
I am not telling this story to say,"See how God blessed me?" Although he absolutely did.
Amen, and Amen.
Here is what I want to say. God did this in my life.
I am no one special.
I am not exceptional.
I am just one of God's children.
Just like you.
And He will bring miracles in your life as well. It may not be a child, or three:), but he does miracles for all of his children. So let's not water down the power of God. He does miracles every day. Let's try to keep our eyes open to these miracles, and thank Him for his awesome power.
"Then the Lord said, 'I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.' Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, 'After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?' Then the Lord said to Abraham, 'Why did Sarah laugh and say, Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord?"--Genesis 18:10-14
* Even Sarah didn't fully believe in miracles...until it happened to her*
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
CAUTION: Parenthood Approaching!
So...I am really sorry for the short hiatus from writing. My kids got out of preschool, and there has been a bit of adjusting, to say the least--mostly on my part. OK...totally on my part. Everyone is now home all day every day, and I did not realize how hard that would be...or how much I loved school!!!
The appreciation of those short school hours is one massive revelation that I have had this summer.
But there are a few other things that I have realized in these hot summer months. Those things being--three observations of what happens when one becomes a parent.
The first thing that you should know when you become a parent is this: You are about to eat some serious words.
I know that I did. Because when Nick and I were childless, I was the perfect mother. My kids would never do (that). I could not believe that their kids actually acted that way. And who seriously lets their kids do (those things)?
Well, that would be me.
I would never have believed that one of my children would backtalk me. Or that my 4 year old would sleep with a pacifier. Or that I would laugh so much about poop. But it happened.
Do my kids act wild at the store? Yes. Do I care? No. If they expend their energy there, maybe they will sleep when we get home.
Is the pacifier thing a battle that I am willing to fight right now? No. Is everyone else in my family worried about it? Yes. Is my sanity more important to me? Absolutely.
When my kids pitch a fit, do I talk to them calmly--and all of a sudden all is right with the world? Not usually. Do I occasionally lose my cool like those moms that I couldn't believe? Um...yes.
So you get the point.
I have eaten some words. I had no kind of idea how difficult parenting could be. Or how difficult kids could be.
So if you are working your way towards parenthood...get ready!
Another thing that happens when you become a parent is this: everyone feels the need to tell you what to do. Unsolicited advice is...such.a.joy.
And the kicker is that most of these people have no idea what a day in your life is like. I had a friend the other day tell me that I should video just one day of my life. I can assure you that it would be entertaining. Probably not quite Jon and Kate plus 8(may it RIP), but very entertaining nonetheless. So here is the deal-- no one is ever in the exact same shoes as another person, so let's give each other a break! For.the.love.
If I had a penny for every time that someone said to me, "You really should...", I would have a serious coffee fund.
You see, the fact that Sister sleeps with a pacifier is okay with me. So why is it not okay with anyone else? If that makes her happy and I can move on with the tasks of the day instead of going through a torturous meltdown, I am good with it. I never thought that I would have said that, but there it is. Pacifier at 4...small potatoes.
My house is normally a wreck. I let it be, until the end of the day rolls around, and then I do a quick sweep through to straighten up. If I do it before then, all of the toys will positively be pulled out again. So instead of putting them up 37 times, I just do it once. But if someone who was type A came to my house in the morning, they would undoubtedly attain a nervous twitch. I have a system, and it works for me. Did I ever think that I would live in such chaos? No...but here I am.
My kitchen looks like a surely to goodness pigpen after my kids have eaten. We have a plastic tablecloth under a Fisher Price picnic table, but the mess is literally unbelievable. I have been told to put them in high chairs and monitor their eating...but really? I am running back and forth cleaning up spills, re-filling plates, and trying to get myself a few bites in between. Mealtime is straight up madness. And maybe my system isn't the greatest--but it works for me. Did I ever see myself in a Tom and Jerry cartoon where food is flying from wall to wall? No...but Hello Warner Brothers.
The fact that everyone has such wonderful advice is actually quite funny to me because I have yet to find anyone that can handle all 3 of my kids alone. So if I am doing it and surviving...good for me!
One last thing that I have learned since becoming a parent is this: my parents must have really loved me to do all that they did to take care of me. Because I know how hard it is to take care of mine. Just the bare necessities are exhausting--bath duty at the end of the day honestly almost does me in. But then you have the things that you do above and beyond the bare minimum. Beach trips, dance classes, zoo days, park trips, and I realize that this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface because down the road will be ball games, slumber parties, etc.
We do these 'extras' because there is no greater joy as a parent, than seeing that ear to ear grin on a sweet little chubby face.
It is going to get ice cream when you really just want to go home.
Or cutting fingernails--in the dark--with a hat on--with a clip on light--to keep Little Man from having a melt down. (Why do they hate nail cutting so badly?)
Or being so completely wiped out that you can't even find the strength to brush your teeth, but you go into their room one more time to make sure that they are sleeping soundly, and that their covers haven't been kicked off.
Or using your last five dollars for Icee's all around, instead of that Caramel Frappaccino that you have been seriously craving.
The scenarios are endless. But the bottom line is this: a parents love is like no other. So if you are about to dive into the pool of parenthood, heed my advice. Get ready to eat some words, hear some amazing advice ;), and voice your thanks to your own parents. Because this job is the hardest, but somehow also the most rewarding!
The appreciation of those short school hours is one massive revelation that I have had this summer.
But there are a few other things that I have realized in these hot summer months. Those things being--three observations of what happens when one becomes a parent.
The first thing that you should know when you become a parent is this: You are about to eat some serious words.
I know that I did. Because when Nick and I were childless, I was the perfect mother. My kids would never do (that). I could not believe that their kids actually acted that way. And who seriously lets their kids do (those things)?
Well, that would be me.
I would never have believed that one of my children would backtalk me. Or that my 4 year old would sleep with a pacifier. Or that I would laugh so much about poop. But it happened.
Do my kids act wild at the store? Yes. Do I care? No. If they expend their energy there, maybe they will sleep when we get home.
Is the pacifier thing a battle that I am willing to fight right now? No. Is everyone else in my family worried about it? Yes. Is my sanity more important to me? Absolutely.
When my kids pitch a fit, do I talk to them calmly--and all of a sudden all is right with the world? Not usually. Do I occasionally lose my cool like those moms that I couldn't believe? Um...yes.
So you get the point.
I have eaten some words. I had no kind of idea how difficult parenting could be. Or how difficult kids could be.
So if you are working your way towards parenthood...get ready!
Another thing that happens when you become a parent is this: everyone feels the need to tell you what to do. Unsolicited advice is...such.a.joy.
And the kicker is that most of these people have no idea what a day in your life is like. I had a friend the other day tell me that I should video just one day of my life. I can assure you that it would be entertaining. Probably not quite Jon and Kate plus 8(may it RIP), but very entertaining nonetheless. So here is the deal-- no one is ever in the exact same shoes as another person, so let's give each other a break! For.the.love.
If I had a penny for every time that someone said to me, "You really should...", I would have a serious coffee fund.
You see, the fact that Sister sleeps with a pacifier is okay with me. So why is it not okay with anyone else? If that makes her happy and I can move on with the tasks of the day instead of going through a torturous meltdown, I am good with it. I never thought that I would have said that, but there it is. Pacifier at 4...small potatoes.
My house is normally a wreck. I let it be, until the end of the day rolls around, and then I do a quick sweep through to straighten up. If I do it before then, all of the toys will positively be pulled out again. So instead of putting them up 37 times, I just do it once. But if someone who was type A came to my house in the morning, they would undoubtedly attain a nervous twitch. I have a system, and it works for me. Did I ever think that I would live in such chaos? No...but here I am.
My kitchen looks like a surely to goodness pigpen after my kids have eaten. We have a plastic tablecloth under a Fisher Price picnic table, but the mess is literally unbelievable. I have been told to put them in high chairs and monitor their eating...but really? I am running back and forth cleaning up spills, re-filling plates, and trying to get myself a few bites in between. Mealtime is straight up madness. And maybe my system isn't the greatest--but it works for me. Did I ever see myself in a Tom and Jerry cartoon where food is flying from wall to wall? No...but Hello Warner Brothers.
The fact that everyone has such wonderful advice is actually quite funny to me because I have yet to find anyone that can handle all 3 of my kids alone. So if I am doing it and surviving...good for me!
One last thing that I have learned since becoming a parent is this: my parents must have really loved me to do all that they did to take care of me. Because I know how hard it is to take care of mine. Just the bare necessities are exhausting--bath duty at the end of the day honestly almost does me in. But then you have the things that you do above and beyond the bare minimum. Beach trips, dance classes, zoo days, park trips, and I realize that this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface because down the road will be ball games, slumber parties, etc.
We do these 'extras' because there is no greater joy as a parent, than seeing that ear to ear grin on a sweet little chubby face.
It is going to get ice cream when you really just want to go home.
Or cutting fingernails--in the dark--with a hat on--with a clip on light--to keep Little Man from having a melt down. (Why do they hate nail cutting so badly?)
Or being so completely wiped out that you can't even find the strength to brush your teeth, but you go into their room one more time to make sure that they are sleeping soundly, and that their covers haven't been kicked off.
Or using your last five dollars for Icee's all around, instead of that Caramel Frappaccino that you have been seriously craving.
The scenarios are endless. But the bottom line is this: a parents love is like no other. So if you are about to dive into the pool of parenthood, heed my advice. Get ready to eat some words, hear some amazing advice ;), and voice your thanks to your own parents. Because this job is the hardest, but somehow also the most rewarding!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sweatsuits, Wings, and Shoulder Pads
We all have been guilty of it. Making fun of our mothers for their hairstyles(or lack thereof), their outfits(if you could call them that), and their overall style in general. But since becoming a mother, I completely get it.
While in a bible study for moms, I was discussing the fact that I may look a little bit like 'poo' for a few years, but hopefully when the kids are somewhat self sufficient I will be able to pick up the pieces of what's left of my style. One of the girls in the study commented that she and her siblings used to always tease their mother about the pictures of her in a sweatsuit, and now, she finds herself in the modern day sweatsuit...yoga pants and a Tshirt.
Now that I have little people that call me "mommy," I realize that the reason for the style "freeze" is that our mothers spent time and money on us kids instead of their own looks. And I deduce that this is what happens--
When we get married, we usually get a makeover of some sort. It may be new make up, a new hairstyle or color, manicured nails, and a cute wardrobe for that teeny body that we once occupied.
We keep all of those up to date looks for a period of time. Pieces of it may be modified and added to because we can afford to spend time and money on our appearance.
Then comes baby number one. Maternity clothes may or may not be worn for 9 months, but new clothes are not bought because all funds are already going to baby...nursery, clothing, swing, car seat, etc.
Then when baby actually comes, you think that you have no time or money to get a makeover. Hairdo stays the same, and is simply maintained. You may replace make up that has run out with the same colors that your stylist suggested for your wedding. You probably still go to the name brand make up stylists though. You wear the clothes that you wore before baby, adding in a few of the maternity ones that can still be worn. And then...
Baby number two. The same maternity clothes are worn. Your closet holds a range of about three sizes of clothing. Your hair is normally now in a ponytail or under a hat. Make up? Yeah right. But if you do wear it, you buy what is on sale at target or walmart. This may or may not cause an allergic reaction that causes your eyelids to swell. May. (Thank goodness my brother in law is an ophthalmologist.) Then comes baby number three...
Oh boy.
Clothes in your closet now probably have a 4-5 size range. There is, after all, always hope that you can get back to the "before baby number one size." Make up has become a basket of samples and sale items(not from target or walmart)...who knows if the color is "in" or "out"?!?! Hair is a few colors because a)you can't afford the same person that you used to use, and b)you wouldn't have the time to go alone anyway.
So what is the conclusion? You find yourself frozen in a time warp. Somewhere between marriage and baby number x. And lets be honest...at this point, yoga pants and a Tshirt are WAY more comfortable than something trendy. What is the point anyway? Nice clothes would get ruined with...well...you know. Food, runny nose stuff, poo, jelly from hands, etc. (I realize that I discuss poo a lot--that is just the period of time that I happen to be in right now--never a day without it showing up somewhere inappropriate...)
So here we are. Stuck in the last decade, (or two), because what we wore then was cool, and we don't have the time, energy, or funds to move forward in time. And even if we did, we would most likely use it to dress, feed, and spoil our children.
So I suppose every generation of mothers must endure the mocking of their offspring. But we know that eventually they will understand that we were sacrificing for them.
And hopefully we will one day graduate from the sweatsuits, wing hairstyles, and shoulder pads, but until then, we will continue to buy yoga pants on sale at target in order to give our children most of what they want.
After all, the definition for mom is sacrifice, but we wouldn't want it any other way.
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