The timing must be exact.
The conditions must be perfect.
The circumstances must all match up.
I am talking about conception.
How can that be?
Infertility can be one of the most frustrating
things in the entire world. No amount of money can buy you pregnant. No great
connections can get you there either. It is completely out of your power, or any one's power for that matter. Even the doctors can only do so much.
I used to be dubbed the "worrier". I worried about everything. But I was, at least, a self proclaimed one, and I prayed about not worrying daily. It was so hard for me to not worry.
I think that one of the major lessons that I learned during our infertility journey was to let it go. Infertility was one of the few things that I had encountered in my life that I could absolutely do nothing about. My mom couldn't fix it, nor could my dad. There was no solution, as hard as I tried to find one. I was broken.
My worry and anxiety rose to an unbearable level on this journey. I finally had to give it up. Really give it up.
And when I did--I finally listened. And God spoke.
It was then that God told us through the voice of a stranger to adopt--and life changed.
The way in which Sister came to us was completely God. And then Little Man-God. And then Linebacker-definitely God. It has been amazing to see His plan unfold (And He ain't done yet...my friend Robin reminds me!)
I believe that it was after we got Sister, that I had this revelation that- I didn't have to worry about anything anymore. I knew that God had brought her to us and that His plan was so much better than mine.
I can remember when I first realized that a mama bird had made her nest in the window box outside of my bathroom window. I watched her daily as she tirelessly sat on her eggs. Then one day--baby birds. Tiny little creatures with frizzy hair and closed eyes. The mama brought food to them time and time and time again. I know that she was exhausted, but I realized that God cared for each of those teeny tiny baby birds...and he insured that their mama had food for their little upturned beaks.
The baby birds brought me back to these verses: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagan runs after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34
I am sure that I had read this a million times, but all of a sudden, I felt it. God had a plan for me and I could rest in that. Period. That simple.
Now... I am not going to say that I never worried again, because we all have worries. But I am much more laid back than before. I am sure that the reason for some of that now is the fact that I am too exhausted to get upset about anything, but I know that God has created this life for me. And if He takes the time to place each little petal on the smallest of flowers, and to have enough seed scattered for the tiniest of birds--how much more is he going to care for me?
This revelation was so strong in my life, that I had this verse tattooed on my foot. I am sure that some of you may not approve, and that is okay, but I wanted to see this every day. I wanted to remember that every single day of my life is important to God-and that he is right here with me.
And He is also with you.