One of the worst parts of adoption is--waiting.
It is most excruciating waiting for your child...a tiny piece of your heart that is missing, even though you never before realized that it was not there. The paperwork is all done, the fingerprints and background checks are in--and you are waiting.
You have a room designated as the nursery. You have purchased a few things for it, but they are, of course, unisex. You probably have a crib and maybe a few stuffed animals, but that is it. The closet has a few tiny clothes hanging in it...not pink or blue, but green or yellow. You may have a few packs of diapers, possibly even a diaper station...but probably not. You don't want to do anything to jinx the process.
You research possible bedding for a boy--and a girl...maybe even twins? You have to be ready at any moment. You probably put the items in your online shopping cart, so that all you have to do is hit the "purchase" button when it's time.
There is so much up in the air. You live a little on edge.
You text and sometimes even call your social worker to see if they are working with any possible birthmothers. You ask if there is anything else that you can do. No, just wait.
Your friends ask how you are doing. You answer that you are good--just waiting. You give them a reassuring smile, when you really want to just cry. Your arms are empty. You long to love your child...but you are still waiting.
You peruse the baby aisles at the store--every store, touching the tiny items and thinking of your child.
You never leave your cell phone anywhere, because you might get "the call". Every time it rings, you look hopefully at the name. If it does happen to be your agency, your heart skips a beat. But it's usually just a question about your forms.
You don't book any "getaways" because you might get "the call" before then.
The wait is relentless. This is just a small description of what it is like to wait on your child. It is not just waiting 9 months on the inevitable. It is waiting indefinitely on a possibility. It is indescribable.
Waiting on God is so stinking hard. We know in our minds that he knows best, but our hearts are hurting. We do know that he does have perfect timing, but it is sometimes hard for us to let go.
BUT--on the other side of this crazy wait, is pure joy. It is completely and totally worth it. That child is in your arms, and your heart is complete.
While you were in it though, it was emotionally exhausting. If you are in this holding pattern now, hang in there! You will meet your child soon--God is faithful!
"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."--Psalm 27:14
I have a few friends going through this process now. They have businesses that they do solely for their adoption fund. Please take a look, and help a great cause, if you feel so led!