I can't help but think of a time, though, not too far back, when I longed for kids who would leave their toys lying around. The pain, much like stepping barefoot on a block, was so deep and intense, that it brought about anger. It was so disheartening to see so many attain pregnancy so easily, when I couldn't. Something that was supposed to be so beautiful and so natural had turned into medical tests and calendar checks. It was so easy to get angry when I would see a young pregnant girl smoking in a parking lot. So many people had the most precious thing in the world, and they took it for granted.
What I didn't know was that in a few years that felt like a lifetime, that pain would be as short lived as stepping on a block. During that time, I felt as if I would never have children-- the hurt was so real and all consuming that I sometimes felt completely smothered. Days and months felt like an eternity.
But in hindsight, it was not that much time. But that is what hindsight tends to do....minimize things. I am not disputing that 6-7 years is not a long time...it is. And when I was in it, it seemed like forever. But what a difference a few years makes.
As I sit here now with kids crawling all over me, feeling as much like an opossum as humanly possible, I can hardly remember what it was like to not have them. Now that I have 3 kids, 3 and under, I don't have much time to, um... well... to do anything, to be honest!
But every once in a while I remember the pain and the hopelessness, and I look around and thank God for my three little blessings. His timing is completely perfect. And His ways are too. There is no way that we could have orchestrated the time and ways that our children came to us.
I want to encourage anyone going through infertility-- I know firsthand that it seems like a big black hole. But your children are out there. They may come to you differently than you expected, but they will come! And please remember that in a lifetime of 80-90 years, this time you spend waiting will seem like the blink of an eye once you have your child in your arms-- however God chooses to get them there.