Friday, January 18, 2013

Nothing like it

Adoption-- it means many things to many different people. But in my case, it defines the greatest journey and a few of the greatest accomplishments of my life. To adopt you must be wholeheartedly open to whatever may come your way and that is scary. But it forces you to have great faith-- an amazing life lesson.

I cannot imagine loving anyone or anything as much as my children.  I cannot imagine missing out on the blessing of having them in my life-- makes me a little sick to think about it. Because they are my. Entire. Life. 

I would encourage anyone thinking about adoption to research and take advantage of talking with anyone who has done it!  I can tell you that more than likely, you will be immensely blessed. It is funny because people always tell us, "Your kids are so lucky." But we always dispute that and we know that we are the lucky ones.

Many people are hesitant about adoption because there are a lot of misconceptions.  One dominant one is that the birthmother is going to come take the baby back. Fostered, I'm sure, by Lifetime movies (which I happen to partake in occasionally). But we learned through our journey that most birthmothers are not drug-addicted low-lifes, for lack of a better term. They are people in bad situations who want the best for their baby.

Nick and I have the utmost respect and admiration for our children's birthmothers, as they were so selfless in "giving up" their babies in hopes that they may have better lives. How mature is that?  Not sure that I could do it.

Many people also believe that there may only be certain types/races of babies available-- also not true.  Our two children are different races, different sexes, and both were healthy at birth.  I will say here that we did not stipulate anything as far as what we wanted in a child. 

There isn't anything wrong with doing that, we just didn't. We felt that God knew a little bit better than we did, what we needed.  And boy did He!

Another major misconception is that you have to go international to adopt. Please don't misinterpret this, we have many friends that have adopted overseas, and that is AMAZING! Our hearts were just here. There is so much of a need here in the United States-- it is unbelievable.

One of my friends, Jenny, brought up the point that maybe people don't realize the need here because we don't have physical buildings called "orphanages." But there is still great need. 

You may be hesitant about adoption, not because of misconceptions, but because of your own feelings.  Some people are embarrassed to feel the things that they feel when thinking about adoption, and they would never express them out loud-- but they are NORMAL!

For example:
Will I love this child as my own?
Will my friends/family accept this child?
Will I have issues with the birthparents? 
What will people think of me?

And to all of these I will say that it all works out above and beyond your expectations.  You may have to grow a little thicker skin, but it is so worth it!

Another friend of mine, Robin,  and I were talking, and we were discussing the fact that adoption is becoming more common.  She commented,  "God is not playing with this generation as far as taking care of the orphans and widows," referring to James 1:27.  I have to agree-- He is placing adoption on the hearts of many in our generation.  If you are one of them-- DO IT!!

This blogging thing is new to me, and it may seem a bit jumbled... but all that I can offer is my experience.  I hope that it helps others in this crazy walk. 

If you or someone that you know is considering adoption, please send me a comment! Ask me questions, use me!!!!!


  1. I'm curious to know if you have an open adoption with either of your children's birthmothers? Why did you choose an open or closed adoption, and what has your experience been with that so far?

  2. Sure! Our daughters adoption is closed. But that was the birthmothers choice. She felt that it would be easier for her to just not know. With our son, his birthmother wanted it to be open, but she lives in another state. She texts me occasionally to ask for pictures, but it has gotten fewer and farther between. I believe that is common. We were really nervous about an open adoption until we went to a class to learn more about birthmothers. I wouldnt want a daily visit, but I think that a lot of birthmothers need to see that the child is happy and thriving for closure. But we tried to honor their wishes in both cases. Hope that helps:)

    1. Our agency encourages open adoptions, although it is ultimately up to the birthmother. I haven't really known any (non-family) adoptions that are open, so I will admit that I'm a little nervous about the idea as well. Does it ever bother your daughter that her adoption is closed while your son's is open? (Sorry to pepper you with so many questions! Feel free to say no to anything you don't want to answer!)

  3. You definitely have to do what is in your comfort zone. Most of the time agencies try to connect people who do not live in the same city so that there is a little barrier. My children are still very young, so we have not gotten into the open/closed issue with them, but it will come. We are going to try to be as open and honest with them as we can. And we will express how much their birthmothers loved them. It is a touchy subject, but hopefully we will handle it well. I am an open book so please don't hesitate to ask me anything! Did your agency discuss birthmothers much with you? We were very hesitant at first, but my experience has been that her involvement fades as life moves on. You just have to feel out each situation!

    1. Our agency did discuss birthmothers with us, and we actually attended a panel with a couple of birthmothers as well as families in varying degrees of open adoption as part of our "training." We definitely plan on being very open to our child. Both our moms are adopted, so we know the importance of that. They told us there was never a moment when they did not know they were adopted. It wasn't a secret that they found out as they got older. However, they we born in the age where there was practically no such thing as open adoptions. My mother has the name of her birthmother on her original birth certificate, but since she was adopted internationally, she doesn't have any contact with her. My mother-in-law was reunited with her birthmother through the agency when she was in her twenties. She talks to her weekly now, and they have a good relationship. I think when it comes down to it, we are willing to do what we need to do to get our baby and raise them to be happy and healthy. Yes, it will probably complicate our lives a little, but we knew that when we signed on to this journey, didn't we? Thanks for being willing to answer all my questions! I love learning about different people's experiences. I know ours will not be exactly like yours, but I'm one of those people that feels better the more I learn and know. =)

  4. Misty,
    It seems that the peace comes when you interact with your potential birthmother. We met my daughters only once, but felt sure that she knew what she wanted to do. I shared quite a few text messages with my sons birhmother, but never actually met her. But that is when you realize that these are just real women with a common interest with you-the best for the baby. Don't stress too much about it, as it will come easier than you think! What great resources you have with your mom and mom in law!

  5. Hey Amy! I love, love, love your blog! Brandon and I have had fertility issues (we have been blessed with a baby girl without the drugs or treatments, but who knew?!?!The Lord is in control!)...I too have a bit of a heart shaped uterus, but there is no septum thankfully. Anyyyway...I want to adopt so much, but my hubs isn't quite there yet...I don't know if he will get there or not, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying hearing about your journey and about the journey of my other friends who have adopted. I have a huge heart for the orphan nation (7th largest in the world, I believe) and am amazed by those directly impacted by it. Keep up the posts--they're joyful to read! Hope to see you sometime soon! Love, MB

  6. MB- Thank you! It sometimes takes a while to get to the point where you are ready to adopt! If it is in the plan, he will get there!!! That is exciting! :)